


You Know How Clumsy I Am

by gutbub



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:42:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22501153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutbub/pseuds/gutbub
Summary: Jaskier seems like he would have been one of those kids that other kids always tried to kill. Just some nice old fashioned childhood trauma.One shot for now but may add more.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 77





	You Know How Clumsy I Am

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I relate a lot to Jaskier and uh, I gotta work some things out, and what better way than using a fictional character as a proxy?

When Jaskier was a child he was bright, vibrant, different. He was enamored with life and all of the intrinsic beauty it held. When the rains flushed earthworms up from the fields and onto often travelled roads he would spend ages picking each worm up, thanking it for its service to help aerate the soil, and place it on higher ground. He was loud, friendly, occasionally shy, and he learned at a young age that he preferred music to other people. With the simplicity of being a child he never noticed the whispered words of the other townsfolk, he never noticed how they muttered one word in particular under their breath, until much later when all the pieces finally fell into place. 

The first time someone tried to kill him as a child he had been about five years of age and his mother was visiting a friend's home. He had been sent to the barn because the barn cat had had kittens and the adults wanted to discuss things unfitting for a child's ears. So he went and visited the kittens, petting their ever so soft fur and admiring their still closed eyes as they suckled on their tabby mother. He hadn't paid the approaching footsteps any mind, until he felt a warm breath behind him. He turned around with a smile. "Aren't they adorable?"

He beamed up at Cezary, unknowing of what would befall him. Cezary looked down on Julian, four times the size of the small brown haired boy. "They're cuter when they're dead."

Julian frowned, trying to get his child's brain to comprehend what Cezary meant as he looked up at the taller boy, heavy set, with dirty blond hair that threatened to cover hard brown eyes. Cezary reached over Julian and grabbed a small calico kitten, his hand completely engulfing it. Julian stood stock still as his heart leapt to his throat and he began to understand, and with a tightening of Cezary's fingers the kitten mewled and then fell silent, crushed in the boy's hand. 

He dropped it and began to reach for another, and the shock that had rendered Julian speechless suddenly vanished.

"You can't do that!!" He yelled, attempting to block Cezary from grabbing another kitten. Cezary grabbed Julian's arm, fingers tightening around his slender bones and Julian gasped as he struggled to free himself.

Cezary looked intently at Julian, noting the panic in his blue eyes as he clawed at the immovable fingers. "Know what? I think you might be cuter dead."

Julian froze, starting at Cezary's face, hoping for some type of signal that it was a joke, but Cezary's face broke into a cruel smile as he reached for something in his pocket. The movement stirred Julian into action and he kicked as hard as he could, upwards and blindly. 

In surprise Cezary loosened his grip on Julian's arm and Julian wretched himself free, spinning on a heel and sprinting towards the barn door. His feet slipped over manure as he ran the fastest he had ever ran. He could hear Cezary's thudding footsteps behind him, and for once he was thankful for his small size. 

He reached the door, but it was locked. He scrambled at the lock, just barely within his reach as the steps came closer and closer and closer. He fled from the door, sprinting to the back of the barn, passing Cezary by mere feet, as adrenaline coursed through his veins. The back of the barn was dark with shadows, and several small hidey holes.

Julian threw himself behind a pile of harnesses, breathing shallow and quick as Cezary strolled around the barn, "It's your turn little kitten. I'm going to put a hole in your head and let the worms eat your body."

Julian froze as Cezary walked next to the harness pile, as he tried to remember the layout of the barn. If he could get to the other side without being seen he would have more time to get the door unlocked. He waited for an opening. Finally Cezary moved away from him, peering into various crevices and barrels. Julian sprinted about ten feet, hiding behind a barrel he looked to see Cezary looking away from him and he sprinted again, this time diving into a pile of hay.

Cezary let out a groan of frustration at being unable to find the smaller boy. "I'm gonna get you, you fucking changeling."

Julian was so close to the door. He watched Cezary who was shoving things around and disturbing all manner of rodent nests. Julian darted to the door, and cold small fingers fumbling with the still colder lock. Finally after stretching on his tiptoes and using all the might he could summon, the lock clicked open.

Julian yanked open the door, and Cezary roared in anger, running to try to get the boy before he could fully escape.

Julian ran towards the house, mud and ice slicking and cracking under his feet, he slammed into the door, struggling to open the heavy wooden thing and then he was safe. Surely Cezary wouldn't come after him in the presence of adults. Those same adults looked at Julian curiously and then turned back to their conversation.

Julian sat on the floor at his mother's feet wanting to say something about what had occurred. But he knew that if they did not believe him, his mother would punish him for lying so he just sat in relieved silence.

The second time he was older, 7 years of age and still a whole head shorter than all of the kids his age. Jakob and Janek, both brothers about a year apart in age, with bright brown eyes and tousled brown hair that told of boyish adventures on spunky horses and secret woods. They had been nice to Julian, inviting him to come with them to throw sticks in the flooded river. Julian had readily agreed, finally beginning to figure out that the other kids did not care too much for him, but if just a couple were accepting of him, perhaps the cruelty would diminish.

The three boys walked the forested path to the river, swollen over it's banks with the muddy melt of winter snow. Julian gaped at it, as it's currently swiftly flew by, twisting and turning in all manner of directions. It was deadly he knew that, but it was also beautiful.

Jakob and Janek, urged him forward, handing him a stick, they tossed their own in, whooping and hollering as the current sucked them under. Julian threw his stick in, watching it get caught in eddies and currents before vanishing into the muddy depths. He grinned at the other two boys as they turned to look at him. Jakob and Janek exchanged a look, and with a push, Julian was suddenly tumbling down the slick bank towards the roaring river. He struggled to stop his downward trajectory, sudden fear swelling up o in his chest. He didn't know how to swim. If he got caught in the river he would be gone forever and he would not be able to enjoy the beauty of life. His legs hit the water first, the coldness of it made him all the more frantic and he forced his fingers into the slick clay embankment, his heart pulsing with one word on repeat, "Live, live, live."

Even with the current pulling at him, he managed to clamor his way back up, cold and wet and miserable. His so called friends had been cruel, and he wasn't ready to forgive them, so he sat and waited, river water dripping from his pants and mud smeared all over him. Finally he got up and started walking home, knowing that his mother would scold him for getting so filthy. When she asked what had happened, Julian gave a tight lipped smile, a little laugh, and said, "Oh, I fell into a mud puddle."

After that, Julian became more of a loner, focusing on music and books, when other children would visit his house he would hide in a cabinet until his mother dragged him out, when he had to go to another's house he would stay right next to his mother no matter how much she prodded him to go play with his friends.

The whispers grew worse as he grew older. He didn't understand it. He tried to comprehend it, tried to find reason, but when the other kids would gang up on him, and leave him bloody and half frozen in a snowbank the only reason they would give was that he was weird, that he was a freak. He tried to understand, he really did, but he couldn't.

He made himself as small as possible, he tried to keep attention away from himself until one day he saw that the town kids had a new plaything. A younger girl with some sort of mental handicap, Julian knew her to be sweet, kind, she could be slow, and even though she was ten, her cognitive abilities were that of a five year old. She didn't deserve that. So Julian picked up a small rock and chucked it so that it hit Natan. The group of leering children looked up at Julian and he gave a little wave and an obnoxious smile before darting down the road.

It didn't take long for them to catch up, they were all taller than him, and he wondered when he would finally get his growth spurt as they knocked him down, taking turns kicking him back to his knees every time he tried to get up.

He kept his smile on his face, and laughed instead of cried as the cycle continued on. He knew his purpose in life. It was to find beauty where others didn't and it was to take what others couldn't. When his mother asked where the bruises came from, he just grinned and said, "Mother, you know how clumsy I am."

  
  



End file.
